walking amongst humans.

fic: hidden camera

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 21:23:23 GMT

Title: Hidden Camera
Series: The Daily Show
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Demetri/JohnO; ensemble cast (also a little Jon/Stephen).
Rating: Light R
Warnings: Language and mentions of sex
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

Summary: Inspired by warriorpoet’s brilliant prompt sometime ago. Demetri and John wake up one morning with only their socks and shoes. What happened the night before is only in the memories of their colleagues. This… is a crackfic.

Demetri’s head feels heavy as he resists the urge to grab the alarm clock (its deafening ring pounding against his eardrums) and toss it out his window. Face still pressed against his pillow and eyes still sealed close, he reaches toward the source of all the noise, fingers searching for the ‘SNOOZE’ button. By accident, he presses ‘VOLUME UP,’ leaving him with no choice but to peak an eye open for accuracy.

With a sigh, Demetri plopped himself on his elbows, finally able to silence the sound. Even with all that noise, he can’t find the energy to get up. Head hurts, too much drinks last night from the party he should never have attended (Jon had invited him a week prior, and he can’t drop the ball on them… especially not to his own boss). He can still smell the alcohol upon himself; he can taste whiskey on his tongue; and, he most definitely feel the ache on his hips from whatever they’d done last night.

(He can only remember the flying cards, colorful circles and the caffeine. And that, of course, excludes the alcoholic consumption. Never had Demetri drank so much before.)

Demetri allows himself to lie down again, snuggling the pillow. He feels some shuffling on the other end of the bed before the alarm clock erupts once again from the short-lived snooze. This time, it’s not the goddamned alarm which wakes him up; it’s the fact that, when he finally takes the initiative to around to face the other side of the bed, he finds John Oliver huddling on the corner of walls, whimpering in that very British-y way of his. (He’s seen John done something like that in one of his first segments on the Daily Show. Thought it was hilarious.)

He doesn’t understand what’s going on completely, so clearly playing it cool is the only way.

“Oh, hey John,” he says with a yawn, massaging his temples, “What’re you doing in my room?”

Demetri rubs his eyes, experiencing double-vision as he tries to focus on John again. As he squints, John pushes himself back further against the wall, pulling the blanket toward his lap.

“YOUR room?” John bellows, “This is Jon’s guest room! And look what you did to me!” He makes his point by lifting his arms, revealing faint scratch marks along the skin (red enough to see over his body hair). His wrists are meticulously tied together by his own tie, still unable to free himself from the bonds.

Demetri’s eyebrows raise in shock. “Whoa,” he whispers, eyes darting around. “Dude. I did—what?”

“Untie me, you idiot!”

And he does, fingers fumbling upon the knot as he tries to undo whatever the fuck he’s done while drunk. When he’s finished, he takes a moment to peak under the covers... only to learn that he is completely pantless. Makes him wonder why he managed to kick both his pants and boxers over his shoes.

Demetri turns his head to John then, who is moving around his side of the bed, looking for something.

“This really happened, didn’t it,” Demetri asks idly as he runs a hand through his hair.

John’s bold brows furrow as he returns that report with a look of disbelieve. “Do you honestly need video evidence that, you, in a drunken stupor, tied me up and fucked me senseless?”

“Obviously.” Demetri doesn’t know if he’d chuckled right there and then out of nervousness or because of the blunt wording. He’s never seen John so angry that he’s unintentionally funny. “I want to know how it happened… like, I can’t remember anything that led up to this.”

“As if my aching back isn’t enough—for fuck’s sake, where the hell is my underwear?” John mumbles as he slowly crawls off the bed, stretching.

That’s when Demetri decides to help out, snaking his hands around the bed in hopes to find John’s… well, underwear. As if the situation can’t get any less awkward.

“Here it is!” John limps over to the counter where his underwear hanging. While bending down to retrieve it, he remembers that, with the exception of his white collared shirt (which barely covers his butt), socks and shoes, he is completely naked. This revelation causes him to yelp, shooting Demetri (who is still sitting very innocently on his spot on the bed) a disgusted look.

“Stop staring at my ass!”

———

Well, Demetri manages to leave the room without wounds or flying pots and pans, but he does get the door slammed at his face.

Luckily, the awkward silence between the door his and face is quickly replaced with some giggling emerging from the living room. Curious man as he is Demetri follows the chattering, only to find a bunch of—well, everyone who was at the party last night huddled together, eyes glued to the video camera screen.

Jon is the first to notice him from the kitchen; he and Stephen, both wearing aprons, appear to be making breakfast. Demetri probably would have known this if his nose isn’t raped with the reek of whiskey.

“Demetri! Just in time. Where’s John?”

“Good morning,” Demetri mutters, “He’s… changing.”

“And probably trying to, you know, stand,” says Wyatt from the back of the sofa as he peers at the camera Jason’s holding.

Demetri ignores the comment (not sure if he’s referencing the sex or the hang-over. He’d like to think it’s the latter). “What’re you watching anyway?”

“This? This is Grade A porn, D,” answers Jason, who soon after turns the camera off.

Before he can ask any further, Stephen calls from the kitchen. “Gather ‘round, kiddos! Breakfast is ready.”

Jon giggles in turn. “Way to make this seem like some sort of Christmas at Granny’s.”

Stephen grins as he gives it a thought. “I don’t mind it… as long as I can be the Grandpa.”

“Does that make me the Granny?”

“I think you’re short enough, yes.”

“Quit flirting and give us our food,” says Sam as she sets herself down on the long table. Demetri catches her staring at him for a long moment before she smirks and looks around. “Hmm, I wonder how Ollie’s doing?”

And as if on cue, John walks awkwardly to the kitchen table, trying not to limp. He releases a defeated sigh upon realizing the only available seat is next to Demetri.

If that isn’t one of the most awkward moment in his life, he doesn’t know what is. Demetri is pretty sure that everyone on the table knows what went on last night, and they’re just merely dilly-dallying around the entire situation to embarrass of the both of them. So as Jon and Stephen set up the plates for everyone, Demetri gives John a nudge.

“I think they recorded us,” he whispers to the Brit, which causes him to choke on air a little (how does that even happen?).

“What?”

Demetri rolls his eyes, whispering a little louder. “Jason has footage of our fuck—”

“Oh, dear.”

For some time, Demetri and John notice everyone exchanging mischievous looks, darting back and forth between the two of them… until finally, they can’t take it anymore.

“Dude, this isn’t cool,” Demetri says, “I know we made some mistakes, but we were drunk. Can you just… give me the tape, please? I know you have it, Jason.”

Jason looks confused for a moment. “Why would I do that? This is comedy gold!” he replies as rises the camera.

This time, John chides in. “I doubt it’s comedy, Jason. Hand it over!”

“Can’t we just tell them it’s not them already?” says Kristen, who has been quiet up until then. Demetri wouldn’t have noticed her had she not spoken.

“Wait, tell us what?”

Jason and Sam shake their heads in unison. “Why did you have to ruin the fun, Kristen?” Sam whines, defeated.

“You mean… we didn’t—” Demetri starts, baffled.

“Nope. It was a set-up. We actually had Sam do this horrible massage thing she taught herself to do on John’s back for that aching affect.”

“Yeah, thanks for that,” John snarks.

“I have to go through that awful massage every night, man,” Jason says only to have Sam jab at his gut. He clears his throat before he continues. “But honestly, the most you and Demetri did was cuddle naked. You were too drunk to notice. Lucky for you, I’ve got a picture!” That said, Jason passes around a picture of Demetri clinging on to John’s back for dear life.

While it might have been endearing to others, to John, it only made him go to a silent shock. Demetri, meanwhile, doesn’t mind (he was drunk, for God’s sake.) But still one question remains…

“Wait, so what were you watching before? Just a gimmick?”

“Oh no, this is still Grade A porn.”

“Of who?”

“A certain Jew and his former correspondent.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Demetri sees Jon do a spit-take.

It swore it off...

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 00:31:12 GMT

But roleplaysecrets keeps on pulling me back to its gravitational... poles.

This thread is too pathetic to pass by without making a dickish comment. My baad.

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 03:15:41 GMT

Title: Misc. Files of OPERATION: STEWART & COLBERT ARE PROBABLY F&@KING (Part 2)
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Ensemble cast. Centers around the sheer thought of Jon/Stephen
Warnings: Language and overall silliness (mostly everyone is in-character)
Summary: Operation: STEWART & COLBERT ARE PROBABLY F&@KING was a mini-mission (turned HUGE) lead by Rob Riggle with the participation of just about all of the correspondents (and the mission is probably clear in the title alone). When Rob left The Daily Show, the mission was then unofficially null. These are the files he had forgotten to eliminate or is otherwise within the possession of other correspondents.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

—————EMAIL—————
TO: Samantha Bee <beedazzledmilf@hotmail.com>, Wyatt Cenac <microwyatts@yahoo.com>, Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>, Aasif Mandvi <themand_fun_vee@yahoo.com>, Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>, Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>, Kristen Schaal <betterwboobs@yahoo.com>, Larry Wilmore <thotsonblak2@yahoo.com>
CC: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
DATE: November 3rd, 2008, 9:00 PM
SUBJECT: On a much devastating note…

While Rob did manage to unsuccessfully carry out the mission, we still applaud him for his bravery. Today, at approximately fifteen minutes ago, Rob Riggle is caught within the dark corridors of homosexuality known as Colbert’s office…when Jon is there. Although he failed miserably and in a potentially downright embarrassing manner, we’re just ecstatic it didn’t happen to us.

For now, I will be taking over the mission until Rob returns. And will someone try to text Rob? I believe I may have ended up mashing the bloody keys when I’d tried to text the poor man a warning.

—————TEXT MESSAGES—————
(11/03/08, 9:14 PM)
From:
Wyatt
212-555-2l25

Message:
I think oliver just called u
a weeping lsr bro 4 gettin
caught

——

(11/03/08, 9:19 PM)
From:
Kristen
212-555-2002

Message:
they shoulda let me go
im much smaller &
ive got exp. in sneaking
around.

-women rulez!!

——

(11/03/08, 9:20 PM)
From:
Jason
212-555-7336

Message:
lol how’s it going mr. marine

——

(11/03/08, 9:21 PM)
From:
Kristen
212-555-2002

Message:
btw rob are you ok?

-women rulez!!

—————SECURITY/HIDDEN CAMERAS—————
(11/03/08, 9:20 PM)
CAMERA #1
( Jon and Stephen leaves the office, faces too blurred to recognize the bright smiles. As they disappear off the camera frame, Rob peaks his head out, looking back and forth. Deciding that the coast is clear, he rolls out, crawling toward the ‘EXIT’ sign and off the camera. )

(11/03/08, 9:22 PM)
CAMERA #2
( Rob’s back is pressed against the walls, sliding along it as he approaches a four-way intersection. Drawing in a breath, he gathers his nerves before rolling past the intersection. )

(11/03/08, 9:25 PM)
CAMERA #3
( Jon and Stephen stand by the exit, having a light conversation. )
JON: …Can’t wait until tomorrow. We’re gonna have to start extra early for the sketch.
STEPHEN: Sounds like a plan. Do we have a specific time…?
JON: I’ll give you a call, bro’. I can’t imagine having to drive up here everyday.
STEPHEN: I have an infinite supply of stamina, my friend! Unlike a certain haggard fatty.
JON: Hey—hey. Did you hear that?
( Faint rumbling heard in the background. After a few seconds, Rob bursts through a wall and plops right back to his feet upon seeing Jon and Stephen. )

ROB: NO WORRIES, my fellow civilian and Boss, I am here to protect you!
JON: Rob!

( Brief, awkward pause as the three men stare at each other. )

JON: What the hell, dude! Rob, did you just barrel-rolled through and from the studiowall?
STEPHEN: (turning to Jon.) I expect a rise, Boss. That’ll even it out.
ROB: Quick! We have to catch the burglar before he escapes!

(Rob exits.)

—————EMAIL—————
TO: Samantha Bee <beedazzledmilf@hotmail.com>, Wyatt Cenac <microwyatts@yahoo.com>, Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>, Aasif Mandvi <themand_fun_vee@yahoo.com>, Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>, John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>, Kristen Schaal <betterwboobs@yahoo.com>, Larry Wilmore <thotsonblak2@yahoo.com>
CC: Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>
DATE: November 3rd, 2008, 10:00 PM
SUBJECT: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

MY GOOD MEN!

As you can tell, I AM IN PERFECT SHAPE TO TYPE. That, of course, means that I have insufficient injury whatsoever. SO ALL OF YOU CAN DISREGARD OLIVER’S EMAIL. HE IS THE WEAK ONE. His fingers are so weak, they can’t type a quick enough to WARN HIS LEADER OF POTENTIAL DANGER.

ON A WHOLLY DIFFERENT NOTE: What sounds better? ARMYMAN or TANKMAN? THE GREENLESS HULK?

GOOD NIGHT, MEN.

YOUR NEW SUPERHERO,
Rob Riggle

———

TO: Samantha Bee <beedazzledmilf@hotmail.com>, Wyatt Cenac <microwyatts@yahoo.com>, Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>, Aasif Mandvi <themand_fun_vee@yahoo.com>, Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>, Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>, Kristen Schaal <betterwboobs@yahoo.com>, Larry Wilmore <thotsonblak2@yahoo.com>
CC: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
DATE: November 3rd, 2008, 10:12 PM
SUBJECT: re: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

You must be bloody mad.

—————EMAIL—————
TO: Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>
CC: Jon Stewart <stewart_little@hotmal.com>*
DATE: November 5th, 2008, 6:11 AM
SUBJECT: re: operesation stilgoing on after adminstratino

Rob,
What the hell did you just send me?

Jon

-----Original Message-----
Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com> Wrote,

OMABA

we succeed trooday. peration still in effect

CHEERS

call me greenlesshilk, homos

—————CARD—————
(December 10th, 2008. Sometime after the show.)

—————AUDIO RECORDING—————
(December 10th, 2008. Sometime after Rob was done reading the card.)

THIS IS TOO PAINFUL, BUT I SHOULDN’T FEEL SENTIMENTAL TO DOUCHBAA—ahh. I’ll miss these douchee—FUCK, THIS IS RECORDING. TURN. (Crash.) THE FUCK. (Slam.) OFF! (Device breaks.)

—————EMAIL—————
TO: Samantha Bee <beedazzledmilf@hotmail.com>, Wyatt Cenac <microwyatts@yahoo.com>, Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>, Aasif Mandvi <themand_fun_vee@yahoo.com>, Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>, Kristen Schaal <betterwboobs@yahoo.com>, Larry Wilmore <thotsonblak2@yahoo.com>
CC: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
DATE: January 4th, 2009, 6:05 PM
SUBJECT: Operation: S&CAPF

Rob is not among us anymore, but the spirit he has brought to this team still remains present. So to honor his efforts, we shall not abandon this operation. It has gone too far to be left astray.

Tomorrow, the S&CAPF continues. I will NOT take no for an answer, men. I have just stocked up on recording devices. Stay tuned for more orders.

DISSEMBLE!

John Oliver

—————TEXT MESSAGES—————
(01/04/09, 7:00 PM)
From:
Aasif
212-555-4634

Message:
oliver is going crazy
hey you have any beer
over there?

———
(01/04/09, 7:03 PM)
From:
Jason
212-555-7399

Message:
of coures i have beer.
gonna have 2 pass tru
sammy. where r u

———
(01/04/09, 7:05 PM)
From:
Sam
212-555-9173

Message:
u know what aasif??
everytime u txt jason
it has the same ringtone.
fuck off, last time he
drank w/ u he got me
preg.

———

To be continued.

* inspired by stewartlittle. I thought that was the cutest Jon username.

fanfic: operation s&capf

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:58:18 GMT

Title: Misc. Files of OPERATION: STEWART & COLBERT ARE PROBABLY F&@KING
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairing: Ensemble cast. Centers around Jon/Stephen and includes a tiny but scandalous Jason/Sam part.
Warnings: References to sexual intercourse, and overall silliness.
Summary: Operation: STEWART & COLBERT ARE PROBABLY F&@KING was a mini-mission lead by Rob Riggle with the participation of just about all of the correspondents (and the mission is probably clear in the title alone). When Rob left The Daily Show, the mission was unofficially null. These are the files he had forgotten to eliminate or within the possession of other correspondents.

Author’s Note: Inspired to be written from today’s OT. These are a series of segments of a storyline (if you look up the dates on the TDS site, it may seem a little more sense) and is told in many other forms of communication (email, IM, Twitter, text… even an audio recorder!). I hope you enjoy this as much as I’d enjoyed making shit up. XD By the way, everyone is in character, except for Jon and Stephen. I think I may even write a story to correspond with this, lol.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.

—————EMAIL—————
TO: Samantha Bee <beedazzledmilf@hotmail.com>, Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>, Aasif Mandvi <themand_fun_vee@yahoo.com>, Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>, John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
CC: Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>
DATE: May 3rd, 2008 6:44 PM (EST)
SUBJECT: OPERATION: STEWART & COLBERT ARE PROBABLY F&@KING is OFFICIALLY in effect.

MY COLLEAGUES,
I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC WEEKEND.

Let’s skip the boring part and get right to it:
SUBJECT #1, OUR BOSS MR. JONATHAN STEWART, IS PROBABLY GETTING HIS GAY ON WITH SUBJECT #2, MR. STEPHEN T. COLBERT. But we already accomplished that during the meeting Thursday night, AM I RIGHT? Look through your notes if you’ve forgotten. If you’ve lost that, YOU ARE USELESS.

Tomorrow, TDS returns once again, and I expect progress. DO NOT DISAPPOINT THIS SQUAD OR OUR EFFORTS.

YOUR LEADER,
SGT. RIGGLE

—————TEXT MESSAGE—————
(04/07/08, 8:38 PM)
From:
Samantha
212-555-9173

Message:
jason I dont have every1s numbr
tell every1:
JON IS SEEN HEADING
TO STEPHENS STUDIO
HAS TO DO SOMETHING
W/ TECH DIFF. EARLIER
I THINK

—————EMAIL—————
TO: Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>
CC: Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>
DATE: June 26th, 2008
SUBJECT: re: OPERATION: STEWART & COLBERT ARE PROBABLY F&@KING is OFFICIALLY in effect.

‘sup rob.
sorry for the delay, i thought this was a fanmail. it takes a while to go through all of these.
anyway, i’ll help around with this important operation.

when i’m actually there.

i mean, what better way to spend my free time than to spy on two geezers macking on eachother?

keep it cool, old man

demetri.

—————AUDIO RECORDING—————
(08/11/08, around 3:00 PM)
(Some Chinese speaking in the background.)

MAN: (Carries an accent) Very good, very good. This record! Only three dollar.
MAN #2: Nice! I can get this for OPERATION S&CAPF. I’ll buy this. —hey, is this recording?

—————AUDIO RECORDING—————
(08/30/08, around 11:42 EST)
(Voices of Sam and Jason.)

MAN: Last night at the DNC, Sammie…
WOMAN: Shut up, Jason!
MAN: Sam.

(Moment of silence.)

WOMAN: Jason.

(Sounds of making out.)

—————EMAIL—————
TO: Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>
CC: Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>
DATE: September 2nd, 2008
SUBJECT: re: That recording thing

Heeey, Rigs!
Think I can keep this? There’s something important I’d recorded a couple days ago that needs serious investigation. ;)

—————EMAIL—————
TO: Samantha Bee <beedazzledmilf@hotmail.com>, Wyatt Cenac <microwyatts@yahoo.com>, Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>, Aasif Mandvi <themand_fun_vee@yahoo.com>, Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>, Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>
CC: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
DATE: September 15th, 2008
SUBJECT: THIS IS USELESS!

How can it be that a toss of nothing more than a minute and a half can cause Mr. Stewart to laugh so hard?!

Discuss, my fellow colleagues.

——

TO: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
CC: Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>
DATE: September 15th, 2008
SUBJECT: re: THIS IS USELESS!

He’s getting it in the pooper.

——

TO: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
CC: Samantha Bee <beedazzledmilf@hotmail.com>
DATE: September 15th, 2008
SUBJECT: re: THIS IS USELESS!

Is this a trick question? They’re fucking, duh.

——

TO: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
CC: Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>
DATE: September 16th, 2008
SUBJECT: re: THIS IS USELESS!

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHAT THIS OPERATION WAS ABOUT?

——

TO: Samantha Bee <beedazzledmilf@hotmail.com>, Wyatt Cenac <microwyatts@yahoo.com>, Jason Jones <dubbajayjonez@hotmail.com>, Aasif Mandvi <themand_fun_vee@yahoo.com>, Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>, Rob Riggle <riggle.dont.giggle@gmail.com>
CC: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
DATE: September 17th, 2008
SUBJECT: re: re: THIS IS USELESS!

That was a rhetorical question, you numbskulls! Enough replies already! Especially from YOU, Rob Riggle.

——

TO: John Oliver <pollieollieoliver@hotmail.com>
CC: Demetri Martin <demetri.person@gmail.com>
DATE: September 20th, 2008
SUBJECT: re: re: re: THIS IS USELESS!

that’s a cute email address.

demetri.

—————AUDIO RECORDING—————
(10/15/08)

MAN: Rob Riggle… 11:29 PM. Attempting to dial 1-800-FAKE-NUMBER.

Putting phone on speaker…

One... (beep) eight-hundred… (beep beep beep) three… (beep) two… (beep) five… (beep) three… (beep). this is a fucking long number… six… (beep) eight… (beep) six… (beep) —

OH MOTHER FUCKER, IT’S FAKE!!

BOARDS!

—————TEXT MESSAGE—————
(11/03/08, 8:20 PM)
From:
JohnO
212-555-1423

Message:
best wishes to you, rob.
i will txt you if they come
back. but just remember,
i type quite slow on this,
so i will just say ‘abort’

——

(11/03/08, 8:45 PM)</center>
From:
JohnO
212-555-1423

Message:
ABORT ABORT
FUCKING ABORT!!!!

—————AUDIO RECORDING—————
(11/03/08, 8:47 PM)

(distant voices of JON and STEPHEN. someone (ROB) also seems to be breathing heavily into the audio recorder.)

JON: …Dude, what happened to your office?
STEPHEN: I’d say someone just ransacked it, but I probably just got an intern to go through my stuff for some material I’d written down.
JON: Really? You don’t find this suspicious at all?
STEPHEN: You’re just being paranoid. C’mere!

(Seconds later.)
ROB: (hushed tone, whispering) oh shiiiit.